It’s been 2 weeks since my last post. Yikes! It wasn’t intentional I promise, things have just been busy these last few weeks. I went to three blogging conferences, I’ve had 3 school events, a 5K, a blogger event that I hosted myself, I joined a gym and oh ya, I got the sinus infection of death. I’ve finally had a chance to recover and take a breather. I’ve slowly gotten back into the groove of things and hopefully I can share some creativity with y’all soon.
One of the biggest things to happen to me in the last few weeks is I attended #SoFabCon (that is So Fab Con, not Sofa Bacon, though I think a sofa bacon conference would be cool too). Anyways, SoFab was great because I got to connect with my work peeps and the bloggers I have worked with over the past few years on various campaigns. It was really amazing. I’ll be working on recaps soon but one of the biggest things to come out of So Fab was the final keynote from Jasmine from http://thebrokins.com/. She not only put on this fabulous conference, she did an amazing key note (at the last minute, total rockstar) . She shared with us how she turned her struggles into triumphs but only because she always shows her true self. She just puts it all out there and is completely transparent. During the keynote, she shared a story about when she was first married and how she was having Thanksgiving at her house and she had this white bone china and how she wanted everything to appear as perfect. I thought, holy crap, that’s me all the time.
The photo above, that was taken this past weekend. That basically sums up my life these past few weeks. Crazy and chaotic. It’s embarrassing but hey, it’s me. I ransacked my closet like I was on the run from authorities. In fact, my house *may* have looked similar. I haven’t had time to clean or organize anything really. Heck, I haven’t had time for much but last weekend I had time for a breakdown. My body just shut down and I may have cried for a bit. I’m not really an emotional person but it’s not uncommon for me to have a breakdown to reset my chi. Luckily after a good cry and a nap, I’m ready to hit the ground running again.
I know that I constantly push myself to always do a lot and always do my best to appear like I’ve got it all together. I put a lot of pressure on myself that I probably don’t need to. I am constantly striving to be the best at everything. Best mom. Best at my job. Best hostess. Best PTA representative. I have a hard time doing things without over doing it. That is just me. I want to do everything by myself as well. I’ve always worked to be a strong person and I rarely ask for help. Of course in the end I just end up wishing I could just ask for help. But I do want to recognize someone who has been a great help to me recently.
So a little bit of a warning and a bit of a backstory here, this is totally out of the norm for me to do a personal blog post. I’m actually a pretty private person and rarely share anything that happens in my personal life, even with my best friends. I decided though to do a #ThisIsMe post to share with friends a peek into my life right now.
Life doesn’t always work out the way you expect it. I was married when I was 18 because I had the belief that that was the journey that was meant for me. Of course, I was also in love. In those next years we had two beautiful children which many of you know to be the “Clever Tween” and Clever Guy. Unfortunately after almost a 10 year journey, we divorced. We didn’t have the best relationship after that but we managed to make co parenting work. I also owned single momhood and did the best I could.
After I divorced I did meet someone which whom I loved. I believe that some things are just meant to be, some are just not. Last Fall my Fiancee of almost 3 years and I decided to part ways and then I became a single mom. Again. Nobody really knew and honestly I hated telling people. I just didn’t like people looking at me with pity and saying “oh, you’re a single mom…again”. Also, I didn’t want that judgement. The judging of “not being able to stay in a relationship”. Even though, I should be proud, right? I would rather just keep everything inside. Over the past couple months, I have decided to share this information with a few friends and the responses have been comforting. I don’t feel like anyone has judged although, I have still have reservations. Trust issues? Perhaps.
Single momhood has been hard, I’m not going to lie. I got to a point where I strongly disliked taking my kids to functions where other families were because I felt alone. I would drive home in tears, it’s not what I wanted at all. Financial struggles are obvious but I thank God everyday that I have a flexible job where I can pay my bills and make my own schedule to be there for my kids. Even though blessings aren’t always what we want or what we expect, they are still blessings. I’ve been lucky that my Co Parent (that would be my ex husband) and I have developed a strong friendship over the past year. He has stepped up and helped me out over these past couple months and more importantly, these past couple weeks when I have been so busy. If it wasn’t for him helping with the kids and being the go to parent, I couldn’t have done it. There would have been no way I could have accomplished everything I did. He has totally lightened my parent load and has been my wingman. He took Clever tween to the dance when I couldn’t be there, he took the kids to the School Carnival and did everything else I wasn’t able to. I’m very thankful we have that really good friendship and I can rely on him. Our situation actually makes me feel comfortable about being single right now. Relationship? Aint nobody got time for that! Maybe one day though 🙂
But for now, this is me.